Post Number Thirty-two

Oh man.

It's not that I forgot I had a Blogger account. I just didn't want to write.

A lot has happened since the last time I wrote, which was two months ago. Things haven't been easy; nothing seemed to work out.

I got my camera stolen. The camera that I cherished had been taken away from me, and I wasn't able to do anything about it. It was a $1000 equipment!

It's a long story, and I'm in no mood to repeat it.

All I'm going to say is that Ebay, PayPal, and the NYPD aren't willing to do anything about.

But that was a month ago, and I think I'm over it. I'm saving up for another one, but...it's so damn unfair!

Well, I'm camera-less. I was hoping I'd be able to take some autumn pictures, but that didn't work out. I'm hoping I'll be able to afford a camera soon, so I can take some winter-themed photos.

I usually post up a photo before the post, but I don't have anything new. I keep recycling the same picture again and again.

So here is is again.

31: Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

First, I'd like to apologize for not updating. I usually try to update every week. I've been busy these past few weeks, which is why I couldn't write.

"Busy" may the wrong word, and many people may get the wrong idea when I use that word. Sure, I was busy. I remember working 14 hours a day making phone calls trying to sell stocks. That was busy. But when all of that ended, I wasn't considered "busy" anymore. I guess I was just deep in thought. I seriously was in the abyss of my mind. Many people have asked me, "What are you thinking about?"

I tell them, "I don't know."

And that's the truth. I really don't know. Actually, I don't know how to explain it. I can't put into words my feelings. It's just indescribable.

But I think I can now.

I find myself to be lucky. No, not lucky; I'm blessed. Despite this horrendous economy, I was able to find a job. I was able to pass two difficult exams.

I was blessed.

But I've also realized that I became prideful. I had this mentality that I was "the man."

"Ha! This isn't so hard after all!"

"I knew I would get that job. Cake!"

I'm the type of person who always learns the hard way. I always have to be in some kind of predicament. I need to troubled. My mind has to be chaotic. Then, I'll learn.

Why is it that way? Why can't I just learn the easy way?

Maybe it's because I'm obnoxious. Maybe it's because I'm stupid.

I think it's because I'm prideful.

I took everything for granted. I thought all of this was because I was smart and because I was capable.

In the end, I've realized that I'm inept and ineffective.

This awakening has been such a humbling experience for me.

I've been playing this ball game way too long. I'm down 40 points. I need a time-out to reorganize my game. I need this time! I don't care what people say; I'll take my time.

Time is what I need to reassess my future.

In addition, I was too greedy. I wanted money. I wanted to be filthy rich. I wanted to be the young guy who drove a Lexus or Porsche, buying it with his own money. I wanted to be recognized.

Seriously, what was I thinking?!

If there's anything that Wall Street teaches, it's greed. Because with greed, a person becomes motivated. He/she begins to work hard not only for himself/herself but for the company. That's good for the company!

There's really more to it, but I don't want to explain.

More importantly, I wasn't happy.

I think that's the most important thing when working: happiness.

I'm currently searching.

I'm searching for both.